Legolas's Adventure in the MBDTA
by MBDTA
Summary: Legolas falls through a hole his MS of a fiance made and gets a tour through the MBDTA. Oneshot. Sue bashing.


**Legolas's Adventure to the MBDTA**

_In which Legolas falls down the rabbit hole so to speak. _

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This little one shot (with a plot this tiem!) popped into my head as I was walking my dog and, being thus inspired, it is now posted. Enjoy

-Nickel of the MBDTA

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own Legolas, or Mary Sue (Thank the lord) or Tumnus, or Lucius, or Meggie who hauls the coffee pot (She's from Inkheart). Nor do I own Cindy, though she's in the public domain (Cinderella, dressed in Yellow). I do, However, own this idea, Mandy, Nicole and Kelsey's general representad characters and sort of own the MBDTA

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Legolas was just walking along the river when he fell through the hole. He wouldn't have fallen through if it had been there before, but as it was . . . or wasn't, the hole opened beneath his feel and Legolas found himself tumbling down a dark, earthy passage that led to who knew where. His first thought was for his poor, fiancé, Mary and his Father and what would they do without him. Eventually, Legolas saw a light, and it was then that he realized why he hadn't seen the hole before, he'd been falling up. He landed on some hard, flat, dull gray stone and decided this was the worst nightmare he'd ever had. The air was thick as Mary's luminous hair, but was rather damp. All around him stood stone buildings of some great city, though they were anything but clean. Not a soul was to be seen, but a young woman wearing the oddest assortment of clothes that could be contrived. 

She wore a hat the size of a cartwheel, with white and yellow feathers sticking out all along the top and bottom of the brim. The felt base of the hat – what Legolas could see of it – was a blue so bright; it hurt the eyes in that dull, foggy air. She wore a long, wool coat that was six different colors haphazardly dyed and banana yellow Wellington boots (not that Legolas had any clue what type of boots they were, or what color banana yellow was). She held one end of a plaid leash attached to a huge white bird with a funny crest of feathers on its head like a crown that sat on her shoulder. (This bird was actually a cockatoo, but Legolas had never seen a cockatoo, so he can't be expected to know that.)

When this woman saw Legolas, she jumped in surprise and the bird yelled out to the foggy world, "It's another one!"

"Hush, Fëanor." She told the bird, "Now, elf, who are you, and where were you when you fell through?"

"Do you know how to get me back?" Legolas asked her, "My dear, one love, Mary Sue-"

"Shitake Mushrooms in Cream Sauce!" Yelled the bird.

"Are you Legolas?" The woman asked Legolas.

"Yes . . ."

"Shitake Mushrooms indeed. Come with me."

Legolas followed her and the bird down a series of streets. How she could see in this fog, he would never know.

"My name's Nicole, from the MBDTA – which you would know nothing about, but the point is, we take care of problems like yours. Now, it's essential we get you back and patch up the hole you came through before someone we don't want follows you. Ah, here we are! Good Morning, Lucius!"

"Good morning!" Sighed the man who stood at the door of the dingy shop they'd come to. He had white-blonde hair to his shoulders and carried a stick in one hand, "And who is this?"

"We have another hole in our department – it's all those pesky Mary Sues" Legolas perked up, "forcing their way in and leaving rips in the world mesh. And unfortunately I was the unlucky person to get all the holes tied to and attract all the dingbats that fall though." She scowled at Legolas.

"Good luck with that." Lucius held open the door for her, "Fëanor has got some color back, I think."

"Well at least something's going right." Nicole stroked the bird, "Have a nice day, Lucius."

Legolas followed her into the shop, past the receptionist desk ("Morning, Cindy!") and up a rickety flight of stairs into a dark corridor. Nicole walked confidently past the first few doors, taking one with an image of a dragon carved into it. Inside was a bright and bustling room larger than the great hall back home. The little building that housed the MBDTA could not have held a rood this size, not even if it extended into the neighboring buildings. Legolas was assaulted by the noise and confusion of the place.

"No, Tumnus, it won't work, we can't just send him to the Aslan's land – do you think he wants that sort of riffraff over there?" One man was saying to a strange little man with a goat's hindquarters and little horns curling out of his head.

"Did you get my coffee, Meggie?"

A very tall woman with ink stains on her fingers and long, blonde hair past her waist, braided with ribbons and bells ran by calling for a piece of fire.

Nicole dragged Legolas across the room to a series of doors on the other side. She led him though one of these, down a flight of stairs and into a smaller office. Three of the walls were covered in books, with a break only for the door and the small fire place and its mantle – which was stacked with more books. The single other wall held a series of mirrors – and curious mirrors, they were. One showed A human king of distant Gondor, ruling over his subjects, another showed a council where Legolas could see he was present as well as several dwarfs.

"Kelsey!" called Nicole up to the ceiling, taking off her hat, coat and boots to reveal a very green pair of leggings, leather slippers and a loose, purple T-shirt. Fëanor flew over to a perch as soon as she let go of his leash and began to drink from a water dish.

Suddenly, a very small woman dropped from the roof. She stopped about two inches from the floor and carefully stood up. Then she noticed Legolas, "Not another one!"

"Another one" Nicole affirmed, "and I think we've found our Sue."

"Where?" Kelsey looked behind the desk Legolas had just noticed, which was also, unsurprisingly covered in books.

"This, darling, is Legolas, and he's about to marry her."

"That's bad." Kelsey's face grew very white, "We'll have to send in a team. What's your girlfriend's name, Legolas?"

"I'm going to marry my dear Mary Sue next week. In all haste is what she wanted, and in all haste is what she gets."

"Of course . . ." Nicole mused, "This one's pretty smart for a Sue."

"Though not too creative." Kelsey sighed.

"True, but she knows the rules, we can't haul her out if she's had a child of Arda."

"She must have been one of ours before."

"We could send in a team and refresh the world since she went and tainted it."

"We'll have to get one of the Harry Potter people to wipe _his_ memory though."

They said all of this in semi hushed whispers like they though Legolas might keel over and die soon, which – if you understand his predicament – he could.

"Let's just send him back." Nicole finally said, in a normal voice, "And send Mandy with him to clear out the Sue. Then we can patch to hole and flush out the time distortions and any other plot holes with the hose."

Kelsey grimace, glancing at the mirrors, "You know, I just cleaned them."

"Don't worry, we'll press charges, you go find Mandy, I'll get him ready to send back."

Kelsey unhooked herself from her bungee cord and left the room. Nicole started pulling books off the shelves. Until she found what she was looking for. It was an altogether unremarkable book on the outside, but when she opened it, the book – it had to be the book, crazy as it seems – started to sing. Legolas didn't notice Kelsey return with another woman, he was quite enthralled by the music – it was like nothing he had ever heard, and yet, it was incredibly familiar. In the blink of an eye, he was falling again – down this time and someone was falling with him.

Legolas found himself where he had been earlier that morning, standing next to a rather oddly dressed woman. The way she dressed was only odd because she was dressed exactly like . . . well, like Legolas.

"Come on, Legolas." The woman said cheerily, as she began to march toward his home. She had an incredibly good sense of direction, or an eerie sense of where things were, because she always took the right paths and was never led along onto any of those false paths that forests make. Soon they reached the palace of Thranduil, Legolas's father. She marched straight through the gates and into the palace, without so much as a byword for Legolas. Surprisingly, the gates were open and the bridge was down. It all made Legolas a little nervous. He decided to wait outside. Within a few minutes, the woman emerged, dragging Legolas's dear, Mary by her perfect hair.

"Let me go!" Mary was yelling, though nobody but Legolas seemed to notice, "You can't do this to me, I belong here!"

"I'd like to know how you snuck through our security, Sue, but I think it would be a waste of my precious time to bother with your precious feelings here and now." Mandy turned on the spot and was gone.

Legolas was desolate.

But only for a moment.

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Well, what do you think of Legolas's little adventure? 

Poor Mary Sue - she isn't very creative with her name, but then again, she's a stereotype.


End file.
